The Good. The Bad. The Ugly: Modern Day Job

Dreams are the norm for me. They are usually silly, and I wake up giggling thinking where in the world did that come from! I usually trace it back to something I had watched, read or heard. This morning, however, I woke up early from a nightmare. It was the ugly cry that woke my husband sleeping next to me. He asked me what was wrong. Sobbing, I told him I had a bad dream. Except it wasn't a dream. It's my life. Reality.

My dream started out silly, but ended with me confronting the people that have hurt me so much this past year. Forgiveness. A battle that I struggle with daily. It's crazy because in the past I never struggled with bitterness, grudges or forgiveness. It was easy for me to forgive, forget, and move on. But I'm guessing it was only because the offenses never cut deep enough until now. Jesus tells us in His Word to forgive seventy times seven. Easier said than done.

Unfortunately, I have allowed Satan an open door to pour salt in my wounds. Facebook is that doorway. Although it is good for keeping in touch with friends and family, it's also a reminder of what I have lost. May was really hard seeing all the post from graduations and award nights. Then this week seeing the pictures of the kids leaving for junior camp. Now August is around the corner and teachers will be posting soon. All I can think about is I should be there. I should be planning. Only if…

Why did she have to contact him and pursue him again? Why did he have to answer? Why am I being punished? Why was my job given to someone else so easily? Why is it so hard letting go and moving forward? Why is everyone moving on so easily with a lie, but me? Why? Why? Why? I just want to be a modern day Job. A new start with a happy ending.

I'm not really sure the purpose of this blog. Maybe you are struggling, too. What do you battle with daily? Letting go of that past sin, hurt, shame, or guilt is the only thing that will bring true peace and joy. Yes, I'm sure you know that. As do I. Just know that you are not alone. It's a healing process that takes time. Eleven months later, I'm still on the battlefield. Fighting on my knees. Persevere with me. Just like Job and the saints that have gone on before us!

I will be shutting down my Facebook account. You can follow my journey here on my blog account or my instagram account (@rowdywith4).