The Blog I didn't Want to Write

Have you ever loved so much it hurt? I really have put off writing this blog simply because of the emotions of hurt, pain, and struggles that are attached to it. Cleaning out my junk closet and preparing for a new school year, God said it's time. Don't do anything else. Just write.

I love God so much it hurts. The more I seek Him. The more I hurt. Have you been there? I can put on a smile, but do you know the truth behind the smile.

I'm not really sure where to even begin. It's been such a crazy month with finishing up my summer ministries, kids going back to school, starting our own business, my grandmother passing away, finding new ways to serve in my church, focusing on my marriage, and the Devil chasing my heels the entire time.

Here's another question for you…Do you really believe Romans 3:10 and 3:23? None are righteous no not one and all have sinned. In our minds we want to believe that loving God should make everything perfect or at least good. Reality. It's never going to be perfect, not even close, due to one word…SIN.

In the past I would think…I want a marriage like so and so. Now…I fight to be ONE in Christ with my husband. This summer we have been seeking God together and individually. Praying together. Sharing our hearts. Something we have not really been consistent with in the past.

A few weeks ago we even started doing a nightly devotional together to grow stronger as ONE. That's when the ugly came. The battle was on. If you could have been a fly on our wall you probably would have blushed. The words that were yelled. The lamp that was broken. The tears that were shed. Both ready to throw in the hat. Ugly. Ugly. Ugly. I'm pretty sure SATAN was doing the victory dance in our bedroom.

However, we have been praying, seeking God together and individually. As much as I stink at it, I really want to communicate better with my husband. I want to be connected with him. I love him so much. So much so that Satan knows where to attack to make it sting. To make me hurt. My marriage.

It was very tense in our house for a few days, but the funny thing is Satan didn't get the victory like he thought. What Satan meant for evil, God turned into good make up :) . God has used this fight to connect us even more. Seeking God is changing us. It's changing our marriage. It's changing how we hurt. It's changing how we love.

The blog I didn't want to write is just to simply say…seek God and become ONE with your spouse. Satan is working hard to divide and conquer homes. Don't let him have that victory. Fighting is going to happen…just make up!